I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
birth control should be required to get into college
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
