she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
