So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
