I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Terrible idea I love it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
