They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Randomize
