we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
