Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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