You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
