i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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