fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
