So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
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i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
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It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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