I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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