My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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