Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
