how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
