I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
