so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
