Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
