Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize