Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I party with great urgency now.
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