I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
