You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
