Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I forget how to act sober
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
