Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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