is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
