Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
