@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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