in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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