So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
