So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
