Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
