You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
