They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
