I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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