the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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