Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
