Sry I called you an 8
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
A+ Viking dick
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
