when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
