Ambien. No doubt about it.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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