i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Cover your peen. We're going out.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
