if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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