I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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