I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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