About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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