party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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