I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
