Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i will never coherently bang her
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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