I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
