When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
