you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
