i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
