she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
