this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
