Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
