we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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