This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
