Too much gin, very little bucket
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
