Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I think i got beer on your cat.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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