I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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