ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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