She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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