Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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