you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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