in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
smell my finger.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
