for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
This house was built for laser tag.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
