just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I still have a little drunk in my system
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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