can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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