Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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