I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I have post one night stand depression
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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