There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Vodka?
Forever.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
