he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
