i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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