I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
