im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
