I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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