Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
