u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
