Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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