youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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