p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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